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A PSYCHOANALYST ARGUES THAT MEN MUST FIND A WAY TO “REMOVE THE ARMOR”
By Steven H Propp
Author Aaron Kipnis wrote in the Foreword to this 1991 book, “The knights of ancient times were heavily armored from head to toe… Today, men doing battle in the marketplace have donned a new sort of armor. Many powerful men have constructed a heroic personality that is hard, inflexible and, like the armor of old, heavy to drag around… In today’s society, however, men are discovering …that they are no longer impervious to the armor-piercing arrows slung by people who have lost connection to their souls Men are beginning to realize that in order to face the challenges ahead, they must find a way to remove the armor the immobilizes them… They must cultivate a new self-image that accurately reflects what it truly means to be a man, which is the quest undertaken by those whose lives are examined in this book…
“Through the course of this book… these new knights of the round table learn to meet the challenges of life by rising to a new level of consciousness and deepening their awareness of the inner aspects of the masculine soul… The myth of the lone hero, who conquers all through the force of his will, is no longer the image the inspires the modern man in search of his soul. And the idealized feminine… is no longer seen as the sole source of nurturance, healing and wholeness for man. A new myth for a new time emerges in this book… of a soulful, life-generating, sensitive, and joyful man who is also potent, fierce, and powerful in the world… these men break out of the isolation that plagues so many contemporary men…
“‘Knights Without Armor weds ancient myths of masculinity to the subjective experience of modern men and the objective perspective of hundreds of studies from various scientific fields. What emerges is a fresh vision and new understanding of men that points the way for a new male psychology and spirituality… Women readers will gain new insights into the inner lives of men… and learn how to support men’s changes in changing world.”
He explains, “My men’s group started out as a poker game. We didn’t set out to be a men’s group, per se. We came together, initially, with an intention to support one another in our recovery from alcohol and drug abuse. We were a group of men in our forties and early fifties who had met one another through mutual friends and through our associations with several different recovery groups… we also felt the need for a smaller, more focused, and more private group.” (Pg. 12)
He continues, “We saw, in time, that our substance abuse was actually only a superficial problem. So what was the REAL problem?... The answer: every one of us had attempted to live his life as some type of masculine hero. We had all, in various ways, attempted to extend ourselves beyond the natural limits of our bodies, hearts, and minds in an attempt to achieve some ideal of manhood and productivity. In fact, we had been indoctrinated… to believe that this heroic ideal was our sole role and purpose as men.” (Pg. 15)
He says, “Many of us welcome most of the changes that the women’s movement is making. By encouraging women to become more self-reliant and self-sufficient, the women’s movement paves the rough and pitted road to men’s liberation as well. Ultimately, I hope both these wings of freedom and social justice will beat in synchrony. Until that time men must begin to support one another in claiming their rights wherever they are abridged, while simultaneously supporting the rights of women---to the degree that they do not inequitably discriminate against men. We cannot make compensation for the sins of our fathers by martyring ourselves… Many of the wounds of men have been self-inflicted… Yet … some of them are also caused by women. These often leave a different sort of mark on us.” (Pg. 59)
He states, “Many men feel wounded by the unrelenting wrath of the new matriarchy. During the last few decades, according to the poet Robert Bly, women have been expressing ‘forty generations of repressed rage.’ This is often more than any single man can face.” (Pg. 67)
In a section on “Feminized Men,” he argues, “Feminization is largely a product of women’s attempts to modify or control men’s thinking and behavior… The absence of the father in the post-industrial-age home also has aggravated the feminization of men. Men have lost touch with masculine soul and forgotten how to initiate their sons into masculine depth. Many boys have grown up almost exclusively in the domestic domain of women. Others… have thrown off the heroic-male characteristics of previous generations in search of a model of masculinity that is more in accord with nature and women.” (Pg. 77-78) He continues, “Feminized men often seem to feel that responding to women’s pain is the primary agenda for men’s work… They have embraced the cult of the female victim and are apologetic for men in their historical role as victimizers… They also clearly fear the power of women to shame them.” (Pg. 81)
He asserts, “This book is not about becoming a Sensitive New Age Guy… a complete reimagining of ourselves as men is required. We need our physical powers and our rational, inquiring minds intact, our sensitivity and emotional bodies healthy and vital, our spirituality awakened, our souls integrated with the rest of our being, our creativity and wild magic flowing… Wimps need to yang up; dominating jerks need to open up… We must change because our lives are unfulfilled, limited, constrained, and circumscribed by restrictive roles of masculinity that don’t work for anyone.” (Pg. 84-85)
He observes, “There’s a lot of talk about initiation in the men’s movement today, but not much information. What we do know is often borrowed from other cultures, which may have little to offer us… What does seem clear, however, is that throughout the ages young men have gone through some rites of passage that let them know they’re men. These rites have also connected young men to the depth of the masculine soul, the spirit of nature, and the community as a whole---something NONE of us had experienced in our youth.” (Pg. 164) Later, he adds, “It’s this lack of male initiation that may account for some of the life-negating forces in Western culture, which are now no longer merely subduing the earth, but destroying it.” (Pg. 173)
He points out, “For several years the knights have been continuously affirming our worth as men to one another. That alone reduces our dependency on women. Our perspective is that relationships complement, enhance, and enrich our lives. But they do not MAKE us whole. Wholeness is something that emerges through contact with our own essential nature. It’s this wholeness we’re encouraging one another to claim.” (Pg. 184)
He notes, “Fear of competition keeps men apart. We’re afraid to be vulnerable to someone who later may use our weakness to his advantage. So we’re always hiding our soft spot. How then do we expose our wounds and receive healing from one another? Like much of our work together, it’s fraught with paradox and involves a certain degree of risk taking. As younger men we frequently attempted to dominate each other. We were always trying to get one up on the other guy. Today, who can complete in ways that make each other stronger?” (Pg. 196)
He summarizes, “We’re trying to find solutions to a planetary crisis, attempting to change our culture into one that is more protective of nature, more nurturing toward children, and equally supportive of the lives of men and women. And so we’ve taken a new look at the stages of development in a man’s life: childhood, initiation, love, work, sacred dreams, the quest for soul, and aging. This is so that we, our sons, and our fathers can find a context in which to bless the development of one another’s souls. This is so that our daughters, sisters, lovers, and mothers can live with respect, honor, and safety in our communities.” (Pg. 223)
This is a helpful work about the psychology of modern men, and will be of interest not just to those studying men and/or the “men’s movement” of the 1980s and 1990s, but men of any era.
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